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Can I be fulfilled without being a Mother?

As long as I can remember, people around me told me that one day I would be a great mum. Up till this very day people still tell me this and ask me regularly if I have children. As a child I had this strong belief that later I would be a mother, not even knowing that there was such a thing as a choice. I always played ‘mother and father’ with other kids, I just loved to mother my stuffed animals or I was cooking in my fantasy ‘kitchen’ in the back of our garden. I guess all these three combined would actually make me the most perfect mother…

As I grew older, I still had this strong belief that one day I would get married and have children. For me there was no other option. This was also something I saw reflected in other women’s lives. Women without children were a rare species and to be honest, I always thought there must be something wrong with them. I have always loved children, even when I was still a teenager myself, and I have this natural attraction towards children and vice versa. It never occurred to me that there was a chance that I would not be a mother. I have however always had this far away feeling that maybe there is something else for me to do in this life.

For long I did not want to allow this feeling in. This was too painful, too confronting, too abnormal and I could not imagine being fulfilled in life as a woman without having your own children. I have always heard these wonderful stories (and still do) of how great the unconditional love between a mother and child is, that having children is the best thing that can happen to you and that being a mother really gives a meaning to your life. And yes, I wanted all of that. I not only wanted that, but I can say now, I needed that. Let’s say I had quite some expectations, and our child was not even conceived yet…..

There is a huge difference in wanting something from neediness (to better or fulfill your life) or wanting something from your inner heart. From that place there can be a longing for something and yet at the same time you feel that everything is already there. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting things in life; I guess it’s quite human. But what if the outcome is different from what I want, I have asked myself. Can I accept this and still have a wonderful life? I have always been searching outside of myself for love. There has always been that aching feeling that something was missing and I have always thought that having a child would bring fulfillment in my life.

Over the past two years, I have had a lot of loving and honest support from Universal Medicine. Not only from Serge, but from his whole family, the practitioners Natalie, Mary-Louise and Carolien and from all my fellow students.

I have turned 40 this year and my partner and I have recently decided not to choose for an IVF procedure at the hospital. This feels like the most loving and honest decision towards myself and my body. I have had some cells removed from the opening of my uterus 4 years ago, with the unfortunate result that there is a small change that I can get pregnant the natural way. This is the reason that we have gone to the hospital to get some help (inseminations). After the third time I got pregnant and we were both extremely happy. Our child was not healthy though and at 14 weeks we decided to end the pregnancy. This has been a profound life changing experience which has asked me to really turn inside and start connecting with myself. It was short after that I got introduced to esoteric healing and I had my first session with the Dutch practitioner Carolien….. Amazing how life takes care of me.

Serge is the first person I have met in my life that has presented to me that it’s more than ok for a woman to not have children. I remember when he shared this in one of his presentations, I was deeply touched. That having a life where you can work on the relationship with yourself, starting to truly love yourself and deepen the connection with yourself is actually a true gift. At this moment I am experiencing that I can have an amazing life just by being me more and more, without the role of being a mother. I am not saying it has always been easy but wow, I can honestly say: Yes! The answer is: Yes, I can be fulfilled in life without being a mother. I have to admit, I do feel like a rare species myself now, although I know now that there is nothing wrong with me. But women in my situation who have, or have had a longing for a child but do not have a child of their own, are seen as a victim or someone to feel sorry for. This is not at all how I feel. Maybe it’s time that we reflect something different..? How about empowering us women, and let them feel that it’s ok to live your life without being a mother. That I am enough, just by being me.



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